WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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