don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
