just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
