my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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