Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
