he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
