the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
