Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
