I accidentally burped into my bong.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
