in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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