I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
