Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize