Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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