it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
