Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
