Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize