everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
