I wanna passion pit in your ass
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
