whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
this will be a night to untag.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Randomize