Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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