My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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