If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
