he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
