dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
