I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
