i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Sorry my hands just texted you
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
