btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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