Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
