u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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