pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
