Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize