I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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