I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
this just has baby written all over it
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We are two peas in an std pod
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
