The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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