there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
