The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
