I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
