the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
