i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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