Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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