Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
