OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
