After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize