I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
