Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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