he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
