then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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