Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize