my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
