No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
