You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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