so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
