Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
