peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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