Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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