At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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