i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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