How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
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