You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
