I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
