Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
