Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
