So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
