I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
