If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
