FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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