I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Terrible idea I love it
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize