he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
