I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
that is very illegal...i love you.
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