You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
