Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
