can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Come see our sink grown plant.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
